On Sunday night’s show I shared a few love tips from my best-selling first book Stripped Bare: The 12 Truths that Will Land You the Very Best Black Man (One World Ballantine). The tips work for both men and women looking to have a positive relationship with only worthy lovers. These are only a few of the pointers that me and thousands of others have used to get love back on track. For all the tips visit www.ladawnblack.com for more information on Stripped Bare.
Make sure you continue to check out the Love Zone on 92Q at 10pm Sun. – Thurs. for more strategies on getting your amour life on point!
Letting Go of the Past
You have to let past hurt and letdowns go in order to have a positive relationship. All the things that the ex did or family failed to do have to be resolved and the lesson learned so that you can move on. The easiest way to forgive is to not focus on the bad deed, but take it as a teaching moment and focus more on what you have learned and what you can apply to your next relationship. You are not alone in being hurt, but you will definitely “be” alone if you do not learn how to get out of your way when it comes to love by punishing the present for the past.
Sex is Not a Four-Letter Word
Time to get to work strengthening your sexual knowledge. Sex is a natural process, but we all are not naturally sexually gifted. The same way we use books and films to broaden our intellect we need to do the same thing to step our sexual game. Buy a great sex manual, download a sexy film and get out to your local store and taste/feel new products — connect with your lover and come up with a list of fantasies and have a treat night where they get fulfilled. Sex dies when there is no effort. Those that keep it spicy work at it and make it a critical part of their relationship success.
Friendship is Critical
You must be friends with your lover. Now I am not saying that they have to be your “bestie” or that all of your friends should now be converted to lovers. What I am saying is that anyone that you are seriously considering as a partner should also be a friend on some level. Friendship allows you to weather storms and compromise. A great friendship will make you laugh when things get tense or see the other person’s side when all you want to do is walk away. Friendship is a relationship lifeline.
Ditch the Skirt
Keep your friends who always have relationship drama or never ever have a relationship out of yours. You would not consult someone with bad finances on how to get a mortgage or someone who does not know how to cook on how to make a romantic meal — so why do we just ask any friend about our love lives?? You have to look at your friends and be smart about who has something to offer. If your stuff isn’t straight, we can shop and hang but you will never know anything about my man.
Needs vs. Wants
This one is so important that I do a sold out seminar a few times a year on this one! Do you know really what your ideal guy/girl is? Most people say yes, but when I dig further most have no clue. In love you have to know what you need for a relationship to work and be able to clearly separate that from what you want. Needs are concrete and deal breakers. Wants are what society and your parents/church tell you and maybe even what you feel you deserve — things for the most part that would be nice to have but not mandatory. I walk people through a process of getting to the heart of it all and using “needs vs. wants” you get in the express lane to more satisfying love.
Tips taken from Stripped Bare: The 12 Truths that Will Help You Land the Very Best Black Man by LaDawn Black (One World Ballantine 2006). More at www.ladawnblack.com.