Forgiveness is a complex journey of emotional maturity and healing but when done incorrectly, it allows toxicity and abuse within relationships to grow. On the latest episode of The Small Doses podcast, Amanda Seales breaks down what it means to genuinely forgive someone, how to do it, and asks if Black people do too much forgiving or if we’re forgiving the wrong way.
“You can forgive, while also knowing very clearly that that person does not need to be in your space.” Said Seales, who explains that forgiveness doesn’t have to mean that you condone the behavior that was done but more of a form of acknowledgment of what has been done so that you can begin to move on. That doesn’t require you to keep that person in your life. Too often we see toxicity grow in relationships because one person is too afraid to use their voice. So instead of calling out the harm that has been done, they revert to going beyond their emotional bandwidth to keep the peace while calling it forgiveness. But in those situations, that person is not looking for forgiveness, they’re looking for absolution.
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The Difference Between Absolution, Peacekeeping, and Forgiveness
You can’t forgive someone who’s not ready to be forgiven. Whether it’s an abusive relationship, family feuds, toxic work environments, or racial incidents, the offender has to take emotional steps towards being ready for that forgiveness. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself in the same situation over and over again. “To forgive is not something that should be demanded of you. Forgiveness is not something that should be coerced out of you. And forgiveness is something you should offer in your own time.” Says Amanda
Listen to the full episode of Small Doses: Side Effects of Forgiveness here, to learn what genuine forgiveness looks like and how to forgive while holding others accountable.
Listen To More Small Doses With Amanda Seales:
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