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In today’s episode of White Tears Are Wet News, a lot of conservative Caucasians appear to be upset that singer and phenomenal performer Lizzo played a flute that once belonged to the slave-owning founding father (I know, I need to be a lot more specific) who authored the document that subsidized America on three-fifths of Black humanity.

Damn, I should have waited for y’all to sit down first, because I know you’re shocked that white people are more offended by Lizzo playing James Madison’s flute while wearing whatever TF she wanted than they are that Madison owned humans who he only felt were worth three-fifths of their recognition as humans. Sorry to blow your minds like this.

Let’s start with some white woman named Jenna Ellis who erroneously called Lizzo “one the most morbidly obese people in the world” on the same planet Rush Limbaugh once occupied. (Ellis is also a lawyer who represented Donald Trump, who she curiously has never referred to as “one the most morbidly obese people in the world.”)

First of all, it’s about time everyone stops pretending Lizzo isn’t out here singing, twerking and sliding across the stage damn near simultaneously and still having enough energy to play the flute flawlessly while half of us get winded trying to reach that unreachable part of our backs every time we get an itch. Stop worrying about that Black woman’s weight when she just might be in better shape than you.

Anyway, Ellis is currently being dragged up and down Twitter for having the sheer caucasity to open her Trump-humping-Karen-at-law mouth about Lizzo.

Rudy Giuliani‘s human fart magnet wasn’t the only salty right-winger to get her MAGA-wear all in a bunch over Lizzo playing Madison’s flute. Here’s WAPless boy blunder Ben Shapiro claiming Lizzo deliberately did “something controversial in an attempt to draw attention” when she was literally invited to play the old founding human trafficker’s flute.

Here’s an apparently confused Twitter user who thinks Lizzo playing Madison’s flute is about “humiliating white people” and “desecrating American history.” He also appears to believe it is non-white people who represent the “conqueror.”

Here’s Matt Walsh reminding us that, while Lizzo can sing, dance and play the flute at the same time, all he can do is hate Black people, fat people, and women simultaneously.

I’m willing to speculate that Lizzo doesn’t care much about a bunch of tighty-righty-whiteys who have rods stuck so far up their hind parts that they think a full-figured Black woman in skimpy clothing playing a dead slave-owner’s flute is an affront to America.

It sure is fun to watch these people squirm though.


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White Conservatives Are Big Mad At Lizzo For Playing James Madison’s Flute  was originally published on newsone.com