Message To Single Moms Of Young Black Boys

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I posted this message this morning on my facebook page and the response was so amazing that I thought to share it here so that everyone can see and chime in on the conversation:

It is so hard being a single mother of a young black male. So many people think they have the answer when you really have no idea! You want to be stern yet be gentle. You want to kick their asses but still be there to kiss their boo-boo’s! They’ll never understand the love and sacrifice that you make for them until they become parents themselves or until you’re no longer sharing life with them. Instead of coaching from the sidelines, get in the game and help me! Help me by praying for me! Mentoring or grabbing his ass up and taking the lead! This is not intended for anyone but a message from a mother who grows frustrated from time to time about the difficult job of being a leader and a nurturer. Pray for all of us single mothers (and fathers) who are simply doing the best we can!

Here is what YOU had to say:

Renee Gray Tears I understand.

CaSandra Vaughn So true to a boy or girl.

Damien Bond Hollywood It is hard being a single dad!! Well single parent period! We’re built tough tho Kiki there is nothing we can’t handle!

Bratty Baker Michaun Carney Ki Ki you saying what a lot of us single Moms feel. Trust me when I tell you, as long as you do the best you can raising Vaughn, you both will be fine. I cried many nights as I raised my sons. They are now nearly 24 (less than 2 weeks) and nearly 21 (September) and they are amazing young men. God bless you and keep doing what you do.

Tanyell Thomas Not long ago we had a similar conversation…. You gave me great inspiration to continue to be the best parent I can be…. So I say to you to give it to God…. He will give you the strength to be the very best mom to your son…. I know this to be true…. God is able….

Tia Sunshine Boyd thanks….Just when u think u are alone. Mine will get it one day as well (I hope)

Nicole Harris Ki Ki don’t leave out the parents that are doing it as a team it’s still hard and we get the side liners with opinions on how to do it so I can relate with you I will pray for you and your son and keep doing what you are doing he will be fine you are setting a wonderful example from where I stand looking in.

It really helped to know that I wasn’t alone and in the midst of a storm, a rainbow of promise forms and shines brightly upon all of us. Regardless if you’re a single mother, father, grandmother or even a married coupe taking care of a child or children, it’s hard! Having the encouragement is just the push you need to get you to the next step. Thank you!

TIPS ON HOW TO RAISE HIM RIGHT:

Make him “earn” his keep. Let’s face it, you’re probably going to do most of the heavy housework but you’re not doing your boy any favors in the long run by leaving him completely out of it. Even something as simple as holding the dustpan works to include younger boys and as he gets older, take your pick of “man” chores he can be responsible for. Not only is tandem housework great bonding time but it reinforces your child’s ideas about partnership in the home and working for his living.

Give him choices. You’re always going to be around for the easy choices–what to eat, when to go to bed, what to wear to school. Sometimes it’s quicker for you to decide for him but much harder choices await him in the not-so-distant future and beyond. Should his first brushes with making decisions that impact his life be the tough choices like smoking, going for a joyride with friends or worse? Men don’t make good choices in life by accident–they need practice. Pick two options you are okay with and let your boy decide on one that’s good for him. The more practice he gets making good decisions under your watchful eye, the easier it will be to make the right choice when you’re not around.

Make him responsible. You have to have your act together when you’re responsible for another life form, even if it has four legs or a set of fins. Dog-walking is especially useful in man training since a dog must be lead by a strong and authoritative figure allowing your boys inner-man to rise to the occasion out of necessity.

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