Source: Chip Somodevilla / Getty
Former President Donald Trump has launched a new sneaker line, and, well, regardless of how things turn out in the 2024 presidential race, Trump has certainly solidified himself as the commander-in-WHAT-ARE-THOOOOOOSE???”
“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” Trump said Saturday when he announced the launch of a sneaker line at Sneaker Con in Philadelphia. “I have some incredible people that work with me on things and they came up with this … and I think it’s gonna be a big success.”
Listen: No one expects MAGA conservatives to have a sense of style, but the second we see anyone stepping out in public wearing these Air Treasons, we are required to roast the hell out of them. It’s mandatory. There’s absolutely no reason a person who has a full view of their feet should be caught outside wearing 45 Adidas (All Day I Dream About Sedition). Tell this man to give Homelander back his shoes before he annihilates us all. This man is really out here selling his MAGA minions life-size Monopoly board game pieces.
The worst part is that Trump claims his shoe line is meant to appeal to “young people,” despite the fact that these QAnConverses are $399 a pair, which young people typically can’t afford unless they’re cracking their rich parents’ piggy banks. (Imagine spending all that time complaining about what President Joe Biden has supposedly done to this economy only to turn around and sell the ugliest pair of shoes imaginable at twice the high-end price of a pair of new Air Jordans.)
“We’re going to turn this country around fast,” Trump said. “We’re going to turn it around. And we’re going to remember the young people, and we’re going to remember Sneaker Con.”
According to NBC News, Trump’s MAGA Jackson Baffoonwalker shoe line isn’t limited to these gaudy gold high-tops with the American flag ankles. (He calls them the “Never Surrender High Top Sneaker,” because the “Bunker-B*tch 45s” probably wouldn’t sell as well even though that title is more fitting.) The line also includes athletic shoes, which also feature a “T” and the number 45 on the sides. Those are priced at $199. (Why anyone would buy athletic shoes named for someone who probably gets winded every time he rolls out of the tanning booth is beyond me, but I imagine the Hair Force Trumps will be all the rage for middle-aged white men who think hotdog-eating contests count as outdoor exercise.)
The line also isn’t limited to shoes as one can also purchase a “Victory47” perfume and cologne for $99 each, you know, in case you want to smell like bologna and 400 years of oppression. (I’m guessing.)
The announcement of the shoe line came less than 24 hours after Trump was hit with a $350 million penalty for “engaging in repeated financial fraud through his family corporation,” NBC reported. As it turns out, the Air Force Jan 6’s aren’t actually sold or manufactured by the Trump Organization or any Trump-owned businesses. Trump’s name, image and likeness has been licensed to CIC Ventures LLC to sell the sneakers and other products.
You can expect Trump supporters across the country to pretend these aren’t the ugliest shoes money can buy once their tax returns hit, and, again, it is absolutely necessary that we roast the hell out of them for it.
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