Zaina Sesay Calls Life After 'The Ultimatum' 'Liberating.'

Source: Courtesy of Zaina Sesay

There was a collective sigh from women across the globe when Zaina Sesay of “The Ultimatum” reminded her now ex-boyfriend, JR, that she’s not the one or the two. The couple joined the cast in hopes of taking their 3-year relationship to the next level, but it became clear to viewers that one person was focused on strengthening their union while the other was desperately seeking a hall pass.

“The Ultimatum” examines the relationship of couples with conflicting thoughts on marriage. One wants to get married, while the other is on the fence based on personal hangups like finances, timing, past trauma, and more. After a brief “dating” period among the couples, each person picks the person they connected with the most for a trial marriage. Once the trial marriage is over, they return to their original partner to see if the ultimatum recipient has grown to appreciate their other half, making marriage an option worth exploring.

Within the first minutes of the first episode, it is painfully obvious that Zaina is too good for JR. She’s strikingly beautiful and witty and has no problem sticking up for herself. She’s a woman who knows what she wants and, honestly, wouldn’t have a hard time getting it from the right man had he been present. But after 3 years of dating, the 32-year-old was ready for a new chapter that involved an honest commitment to a man with frostbitten feet.

Zaina found out who JR really was when she watched “The Ultimatum” with the rest of us

Zaina learned so much about her relationship as she watched it in real time with the rest of the world. “The betrayal was heartbreaking. JR behind closed doors was the complete opposite of who I saw on the show. That person was unrecognizable—not just to me but also to my friends and family who had spent significant time with him. I was disgusted by how he overly sexualized other women, as if he was playing a role for entertainment with no regard for me or self-respect. That’s not the man I knew or how he courted me,” she tells me in an exclusive interview.

“His dishonesty made me believe he had no intention of getting engaged or continuing our relationship. If he was serious about us, he would have been upfront instead of letting me find out with the world watching. During our trial marriage, he reassured me repeatedly, which gave me hope, but that side wasn’t shown in the edit. I genuinely thought we were making progress,” she continues.

Source: Adam Rose / Netflix

“I was even ok with leaving the show without an engagement because I didn’t want to add pressure given his job transition. Shortly after, I decided to move on, but watching the show months later left me dumbfounded and feeling completely deceived. It was painful, but I’m grateful for the clarity it gave me. His true intentions were revealed, allowing me to focus on what I truly deserve. I hope others can learn to trust their intuition and recognize when actions don’t align with words. It’s a tough lesson, but it leads to growth and clarity,” she says.

Zaina calls life post “The Ultimatum” liberating

Signing up for a reality TV show means opening the doors to unsolicited advice, hypercritical commentary, and much more. And while your life might change for the better by garnering brand deals and partnerships, you’ve just catapulted yourself into the unforgiving limelight. Returning to everyday life can feel jarring after airing a pinch of your journey on television for the entire world to see. But life has been anything BUT normal for Zaina. The fitness guru has amassed 133K followers on Instagram and over 75K on TikTok, so if there’s an opinion about her out there, she’s seen it.

“I remind myself that the most important thing is that I, along with my friends and family, know the truth. Reality TV only shows a small fraction of the full story, often leaving out full context and nuances,” says.

Despite things not working out the way she wanted them to, the Temple University graduate got exactly what she needed. She refers to the entire experience as “liberating” because it forced her to grow.

“Being in a toxic environment can feel normal until you step out of it and realize how much it was dimming your light and holding you back. The breakup felt like divine intervention—painful but necessary…to redirect me toward a better version of myself,” she says. “Facing the betrayal head-on, I took a holistic approach to healing, focusing on my mind, body, and soul. That journey has left me feeling stronger, wiser, and more grateful every day for the lessons ‘The Ultimatum’ taught me.”

“One of the biggest takeaways was learning to stop romanticizing red flags. Now, I see them for what they are and act accordingly. I hope to use my experience to empower others who might be in similar situations, reminding them that leaving something unhealthy opens the door to so much more,” she continues.

The show has also helped her reassess any ill feelings she may have harbored against the girls from the show. This is an unorthodox way of solving relationship problems. It can be tough to form friendships with women who are actively dating the person you’ve been with for the last couple of years. Still, Zaina recognizes that this very unique experience requires a level of forgiveness and understanding.

“Throughout my healing journey, I focused on releasing any negative feelings, including anger, towards everyone. It was important for me to find peace within myself, and as part of that process, I’ve made amends and let go of any hard feelings. I’m on good terms with all the ladies from the show. We’ve each had our own experiences, but I’ve come to a place of understanding and mutual respect with them. It’s all about growth and moving forward,” she says.

Zaina gets to the bottom of “Hall Pass Gate”

Regarding red flags, Zaina had no time to romanticize the ones Scotty continuously hurled her way during their trial marriage. After his outing with the other men from the show, Scotty shared a conversation that took place between him and JR that birthed the QR code manicure heard around the world.

JR, who was obviously on the show for the wrong reasons, confronts Scotty about a circulating rumor claiming he joined the show to have a hall pass, aka an opportunity to sleep with someone else outside of his relationship without consequences.

“During our trial marriage, Scotty and Aria had a conversation where Aria expressed concern about some guys treating the experience like a hall pass. When I discussed this with Scotty, we went through a process of elimination. After I mentioned JR’s name, Scotty responded with, ‘I can’t speak on another man.’ He didn’t explicitly say JR, but it was clear to both of us that he was the one Aria might have been referring to. Later, I spoke to JR and clarified that the conversation stemmed from Aria’s concerns, not Scotty speaking badly about him. Despite this, JR used it as ammunition to stir the pot with Scotty, which was completely unnecessary,” she explains.

Although Scotty didn’t start the rumor—JR was foolishly caught saying it numerous times on camera—he voiced his concerns with Zaina in a way that felt accusatory and disrespectful. And when she defended herself, Scotty unleashed a slew of gaslighting tactics that barely penetrated her spirit.

“It’s somewhat easier to recognize gaslighting when deep emotions aren’t involved. I was disappointed in how Scotty handled the situation—it didn’t need to escalate, and much of the context was cut out. I realized Scotty was trying to gaslight me when he asked if I had spoken to JR. It was common knowledge that we were all communicating with our original partners, including Scotty and me. He even asked me to contact JR about his barber, so he knew we were in touch,” she says.

“Scotty’s approach was manipulative. Instead of asking, ‘Have you spoken to JR?’ the real question should’ve been, ‘Did you tell JR I said he’s looking for a hall pass?’ which I hadn’t, as that conversation came from Aria’s concerns. If he had asked directly, I would have cleared everything up. Instead, he spent days accusing me of texting JR whenever I was on my phone and throwing childish insults, which made it impossible to have a productive conversation,” she continues.

Source: Courtesy of Zaina Sesay

Eager to clear her name, Zaina used the reunion as an opportunity to share her receipts, and she did it in the most unique way possible.

“I wanted to clarify the hall pass situation and my indirect role in it. At the time, I didn’t know JR had already mentioned on the show that he was there for a hall pass, and his behavior was reflecting that. The idea came to me at a Snapchat event when I met someone with a QR code on their nail for socials. After researching, I found an NFC chip that was even better—it lets you program it first, then simply tap your phone to instantly share whatever you’ve programmed. I wasn’t sure if I’d need to use it, but I wanted a discreet way to share my side if necessary. Gotta keep receipts at your fingertips!” she exclaims.

Self care, affirmations, and rebuilding after the California wildfires

Source: Courtesy of Zaina Sesay / Zaina Sesay

Now that the show is over and the dust has settled, Zaina is bringing the things that really matter back into focus. The Los Angeles resident fell victim to the wildfires that consumed over 40,000 acres of California land and killed at least 24 people. After waking up to the stench of smoke in her home, Zaina packed up her car and drove to Las Vegas. Times are undoubtedly challenging and questionable, but she keeps herself grounded by reminding herself of a few important things.

“I remind myself to give grace for my mistakes and not dwell on the past. I tell myself that mistakes are lessons, not failures, and each step forward is part of my growth. I trust that everything happens for a reason, and each experience brings me closer to who I’m meant to be. These affirmations help me move forward with a sense of peace and purpose,” she says.

As she navigates this new chapter in her life, Zaina continues to water herself so she can evolve into the best version of herself. “Self-care for me is all about assessing my mental and emotional state, then prioritizing what I need in that moment. It’s different from week to week, depending on what I’m going through, but I always have a few key practices in rotation: going to the gym for both physical and mental clarity, therapy to process emotions, and ensuring I take time for rest. I also focus on nourishing my body, spending time with loved ones, and engaging in activities that bring me joy and peace. Lately, I’ve been exploring new hobbies, like experimenting with makeup routines, which is a fun creative outlet. Self-care is really about checking in with myself and making sure I’m doing what I need to feel balanced and well,” she concludes.

You can keep up with Zaina here.

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Zaina Sesay Calls Life After ‘The Ultimatum’ ‘Liberating,’ And Shares What We Didn’t Get To See On The Show  was originally published on hellobeautiful.com