I never understood the saying “tearing you down to build you up”! Why would you want to tear down someone you care for just to build them back up?
This happens in organizations that look into these types of tactics for recruitment. I’m not saying it’s not a good or bad idea, but I never understood. What does it help? Who gains from it? Who loses? What happens when it back fires? Is it done for credit? Is it a form of bullying?
What happens when you have a friend who is going through this? How can you help restore their confidence? Try these:
Affirm and re-affirm the great things about her. You can start by noticing–and pointing out–all the things she is good at. You can make a list together and write them down. List the great attributes she possesses. The list can include personality and character traits as well as physical appearance. Explain how everyone one is different and unique. Remember that criticism is harmful and girls can be extremely sensitive. Choose your words and phrases carefully. Instead of saying, “Those jeans make you look fat,” you could say, “I think these accent your shape better.”
Encourage her to write in a journal. The journal’s sole purpose should be for collecting positive thoughts about herself, including good qualities and accomplishments; she could start with the list made in Step 1. When she is feeling down, she can re-read it and this will help her stay on the right track.
NEVER SAY I TOLD YOU SO! That doesn’t help at all! Let them know that you’re there for them no matter what. Try to find a positive in every situation. Example: “Well, at least you know this about that person and how they feel about you. But also know, it’s not true.”
More on this subject:
Tell Your Friends You Love Them Today! [Tips]
Goal 2: Being More Supportive!
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